Public Speaking: You Can Do It!
“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” -Jerry Seinfeld
Despite this brilliant quip from the king of observational humor, I’ve actually always loved public speaking. But unless you count all the times I’ve performed onstage, I’ve only really given two public speeches in my life. Both times, multiple people (both friends and strangers) told me it was one of (if not the best) speeches they’d ever heard.
I don’t say that to brag (well…maybe just a little), but to give a bit of credibility to the rest of this essay despite my lack of actual experience to back it up (that being said, I am a professional Actor, Writer, Director, Comedian and Acting coach…so maybe I’m selling myself short).
Either way, these are the rules I followed for myself when writing/delivering the speeches, and I hope they help you as much as they helped me!
1. Don’t try to be funny.
This is Rule 1 because it is by far the one I wish people would follow the most that they seem to follow the least. If you don’t try to be funny, the audience will laugh. I PROMISE. I am professionally funny, and even I don’t try to be funny. So, you have no business trying to be funny.
Obviously, we want the audience to enjoy the speech and laugh. That’s why I’m not saying, “Don’t be funny.” I’m saying, “Don’t TRY to be funny.” What is the distinction? If you don’t TRY to be funny but instead speak truthfully and from the heart, the words will naturally get to points in the speech that make the audience chuckle/laugh. If you TRY to be funny by forcing jokes in there (like every Marvel movie loves to do, much to my chagrin), it may get some forced/shock laughs but will just be cheap at best and cringy at worst. Think about award shows where the presenters tell forced joke after forced joke…so painful to listen to and ya wish they’d just get on with the show! This isn’t your chance to force laughs out of the audience just to feed your ego. This isn’t your time to shine. This isn’t about you. Speaking of which…
2. Don’t make it about yourself.
Even if you’re the recipient of an award, make it about the community that got you there, the community literally there in the room, and the community that is presenting the award itself (so, when I win my first of many Oscars, I will make my acceptance speech about everyone that got me there, everyone in the audience, and specifically the Oscar voters/academy).
Even if you need to use “I” or “Me”, make it in relation to the subject. Just like the best actors give all the energy to their scene partner, give all of your focus to the subject. If you do this, the audience will give YOU all the praise/credit. In my speech at my college commencement, I do it subtly…but I barely talk about myself nor my actual time in college at all. I devote the entire speech to the power of the Arts in general, only occasionally bringing it back to my specific experiences. Again, even though I was voted with the honor of speaking, I didn’t make it about ME, I made it about my relationship with the ARTS.
As we learn in theatre, emphasizing different words can create vastly different meanings, so to show it visually:
The speech was about my relationship to the ARTS.
The speech was about MY relationship to the Arts.
See the difference? Same words, but the first sentence is the way to go.
3. Think from the audience’s perspective.
You already know what you have to say-you’re the one saying it! So, in many ways, you’re the last person that the speech is “for”. Here is a great practice in empathy: Think about the worst speech you’ve ever heard. It makes you a little angry, doesn’t it? When you’re on your deathbed, you’re going to want (and deserve) those precious minutes (that felt like hours) back.
Where did they go wrong? If I had to guess, they didn’t put themselves in your shoes when preparing the speech. Let’s say you’re Best Man/Maid of Honor at a wedding. Your job isn’t done when you’ve written the speech. Now that it’s written, really picture yourself there: Picture the friends, family, significant others, wedding band, caterers, the venue, the tuxes, the dresses, etc. NOW practice your speech aloud for this imaginary (soon-to-be real) audience. Does your somewhat off-color joke about the groom still feel necessary now that you can picture his grandma watching you? And forget about off-color, what about keeping their attention? You may be married (pardon the pun) to a certain part of your speech, but if it really isn’t moving the “story” forward, then cut it. Cutting helps because it gives you less to say (and less to stress about messing up) and less room for the audience to be bored. Trim the excess, and get right to the point without dragging! This will also give you more time to…
4. SLOWWWWW DOWWWNNNNN!
Another rule borrowed from the theatre…no matter how slowly you think you’re going, go half as fast. Even the most experienced performers/speakers get jittery before a public speech, so slowing down will be critically useful to: make you less nervous; make you APPEAR less nervous; allow your audience to actually understand what you’re saying (my mother always taught me to perform for the proverbial old, deaf man in the last row of the theater); and give your brain more time to think. And hey, it also allows you to actually enjoy what you’re saying instead of just speeding through. Speaking of enjoying…
5. Have fun!
This may sound cliche, but I have noticed watching back videos of myself performing standup where I did and did not tell myself to actively enjoy what I was doing…and the difference is subtle but significant. If you don’t have fun, the audience won’t have fun. And again, referring back to Rules 2 and 3, it’s not about you, it’s about the audience. Even if your subject matter is serious, having fun will also boost your confidence and help you relax.
Bonus Rule: Allow for a slight margin for improvisation.
This is a bonus rule because it’s really for more seasoned speakers who feel comfortable veering away from their written (and, hopefully, thoroughly-rehearsed) piece of paper. Think about how bad Acting “feels” like Acting (opposed to someone actually embodying the character), bad writing “feels” written, and bad Standup “feels” like someone attempting (and failing) to tell jokes (opposed to someone just naturally talking and just so happens to have a microphone in their hands and just so happens to be hilarious). As Rule 4 teaches us that it’s all about the audience, there’s something to be said for reacting to their reactions and feeding off the energy they give you. It’s sometimes difficult to do this and stick to the speech verbatim. This is a hard paradox to master, but finding the balance between being totally prepared/could-do-it-in-your-sleep with the energy of allowing for a bit of spontaneity will help make your speech not feel “speech-y”. It will just feel like a really interesting person is talking and they just so happen to be reading off a piece of paper.
But…PROCEED WITH CAUTION. If you’re one of the majority of the general populace that Seinfeld is referring to who would rather be in the coffin than having to give the eulogy, then maybe just stick to your script.
Here are my two speeches, hope you enjoy (and now that you’re a master of public speaking thanks to this essay, try to spot where these rules are serving me!)
Best Man: https://youtu.be/nyHCm7xK3RU
College Commencement: https://youtu.be/eOEUCHAHVLI?si=b7w8qqGGVk_7tpfB
And for more things Datz, check out eddiedatz.com!
